Reflections - 2 Years Choosing Sobriety

I love Facebook memories.

To witness where I was, how far I've come and pinnacle moments in time.

Today, 2 years ago, was one of those life altering moments.

To be where I am today, particularly with everything going on in the world,

I truly believe that moment led me to creating so much calm in all this chaos now.

Re-reading this brought back beautiful memories, tears and pride.

I'm so grateful for that moment.

I'm so thankful that I shared this then.

I'm so proud of my journey and continuing to make the 'hard' choices that help me to be the best version of me.

Enjoy this beautiful post and please share in the comments below, what you take away from this vulnerable post from two years ago.

Many blessings,

KJ

ORIGINAL POST (14.7.2019)

Day 14 #SkyHighJuly - nearly half way through forming new habits.

Today was the pinnacle of what I am creating and what I am working towards - that which was outside of my awareness when I started;

Centering my being.

Being able to feel grounded and find the calm in the storm.

Being able to see the beauty, appreciate the many elements of life and breathe through the emotions and chaos.

Be still in mind and be able to bring back the stillness when the external world shutters.

Today, there were many emotions and opposite ends of the spectrum.

In life, we face the passing of life and the reality of saying goodbye to those we love.

We face the realness of taking things for granted but have the choice to forgive self.

Sometimes we have the chance to see whatever opportunities of love and human connection we have left to us, in final moments.

We have the opportunity of grace and humility, to find compassion and that which we are grateful for.

Today, I am grateful for the opportunity to say goodbye (something I have never experienced before).

Today, I am incredibly fortunate and appreciative for time; to express my love and gratitude and share what will be one of our final moments together.

Today, 14 days into sobriety (not something I had intended in the beginning), into deeper awareness and consciousness, I am grateful for not feeling the urge to drink; to curtain the emotions, and for realising the lack of overwhelm in this moment.

I give thanks for beautiful friendships, to family, to my baby boy, to Mother Earth, for each have collectively held space for me to face the many emotions of today and what's to come.

Today, I give thanks to the love I hold in my heart, the tears in my eyes and the sadness I feel for my beautiful loved one who will transcend her life in the physical plane in the near future, when she is ready to go to sleep.

My tears and sadness are a testament to love shared, to a beautiful connection and the vulnerability we express when we give and receive love.

It takes courage to open up, knowing the risk of hurt, of grief we face when we open ourselves up to love.

It takes bravery to see the risks and do it anyway.

And if there is anything I have learnt from losing many loved ones in my short years, the love, the memories, the laughter, the union, the connection, regardless how big or small, how long or short the time is...

It has always been worth it.

And those memories, love and laughter fill my soul and still make me laugh and incredibly grateful to this day.

Love is really all there is, and today I'm reminded of that and grateful for the opportunity to give thanks for her beautiful soul while she is still Earth side.

Today, I feel blessed to sit by her side, tell her how loved she is and say thank you.

Today, I have let Mother Earth hold me in her arms and nourish my soul, warm my heart and let me know all is ok.

Today, I have also spent time with my baby boy and beautiful friends to laugh, to hug, to create more memories.

I have allowed them into my vulnerability, to see my pain and be there to support me, so I can support others and myself.

I have recognised old patterns in the moment and let them go as quickly as they came.

I have recognised since finding out the news, I haven't wanted a drink (as I would have in the past, to just take the edge of).

And rather than wallow or feel sorry for myself for more 'perceived loss', I have watched 3 documentaries today that have allowed me to be inspired, to cry, to understand, to appreciate, to respect, to find the courage to continue on this new path I have chosen.

A Call to Courage - Brene Brown

Heal

Expedition-Happiness

I am quickly listening to what it is I need in each moment; what I need to see, appreciate, be grateful for and share.

I have realised my journey is mine, my beliefs are my own and to respect and allow others to live (and die) by theirs.

There is no right or wrong, mine or theirs, religion or spirit.

There is only me and my model of the world.

Them and theirs.

You and yours.

All just are and just will be.

Today, I truly saw this for the first time ever, as I saw her peace, (from a faith that was not mine), collectively consume our beings as we both realised she is ok and will be ok.

That she will simply transcend this realm into 'what awaits'.

That we both have a deeper knowing that there is more, even if our 'more' or 'what awaits' differs from each other.

Being able to hold space for each other, out of love, sharing something deeper than I have experienced and truly seeing each other, possibly for the first time, as we came to grips with the reality of this chapter nearing closure.

I have realised I no longer want to subdue and dull my senses, as even in the toughest of times, there is beauty and poise in the now, and being able to find the right coping mechanisms.

I am learning how to more present in the now, in the moment, in any given time and space.

I am transcending my old story, my old paradigms, generational cycles of substances and moving into a realm of sincerity, truth, honour and deeper gratitude for this blessed life I have been so fortunate to receive.

I am transforming into something else;

Labelless, limitless, infinite - all and nothing, I never knew was possible or that I wanted.

And that's the reality...

When we are authentic, take off the masks, align with our truth and see who we have always been (before we were told who, what, how, when and conditioned otherwise)...

When we step into our internal being, tune in and hold ourselves in sacred space, hold our worth, love and respect in our own hands and give thanks to all that surrounds us and all that we are, the picture is majestic, even in the chaos of our emotions and external turmoil.

For when we are at peace in our heart and live life with abundance, believing there is more, (and for me, believing this vessel is a blessing but is just a vehicle for our soul), we can let go of our fears of lack, of death, of love lost...

Because love is never lost.

That is all there is and all there ever will be.

And more will be more, when more is no more here.