How to STOP Bullsh*tting Myself

Jun 24, 2021

'I don't have a choice?'

The BS statement I tell myself when I don't want to take accountability or responsibility.

When I want to excuse my stuckness,

When I want to excuse not wanting to rock the boat,

When I want to excuse not feeling as though I can speak up,

When I want to excuse my people pleaser,

When I want to excuse where my energy is going,

When I want to excuse not having the balls to do and say what I REALLY FEEL.

The reality is I do have a choice,

And not deciding or making any change for whatever reason,

IS STILL A CHOICE!

And I'm taking full responsibility and ownership for my choices.

If it hurts; what hurts more - now or things staying the same and how that will feel in the future?

If I feel stuck; how stuck do I feel now compared to staying stuck and feeling deeper in the stuckness in the future?

If I'm feeling lost; how lost do I feel now and how lost will I continue to feel if I continue to avoid MYSELF and the accountability that's required to SEE?

If I'm feeling unhappy; how unhappy am I now compared to how I unhappy I will be in the future by constantly putting everyone and everything else above myself?

If I'm feeling guilty; how guilty will I feel now as opposed to how guilty I will feel in the future when I continue to live and make the same choices, from lack of intention or responsibility?

And on and on it goes...

I can play my old avoidance strategies or I can face up and face off.

I can continue to run or I can stop and witness.

I can push myself away or I can sit with all of me, uncomfortable at first, until I meet the version of me that is ready to rise.

And allow her to.

I can continue to accept or I can ask myself the hard questions, show up in the discomfort and evolve deeper.

I can.

And I will.

I love the level of growth I have experienced and continue to commit to.

I love meeting new versions of myself.

I love letting go of old versions of me that romantised and normalised the suffering, the pain and drama.

Though, I also love all of her;

Who I was because she was brave, courageous and fierce.

She got me where I am,

And f#@k did she take the bullets!

She really is my hero.

However,

I love the new versions of me that hold me more accountable,

That call me forward and call me out on my suffering and pain.

That say ENOUGH with the BS!

And say ENOUGH with the stories I created of not having a choice,

That said 'I can't do that... I can't say that... I can't...'

And instead turn it around to,

'I choose not to... because this is of greater priority to me in this moment, even if..'.

Everyday I rise even if I feel in the depths of darkness.

I know here is where I burn it all down.

I know it feels like I'm going backwards when in actually fact it's required.

I know the fire is as required as the wings for my Phoenix to rise again.

She is as committed to the flames as she is as committed to the new heights.

Though, she is also questioning if this too is an old story

She is nothing without it and nothing with it.

She is everything with it and everything without it.

She is all that she is.

And she surrenders to her inner godliness of knowing all that is ready to be presented to her.

She is LOVE.

She is BEAUTY.

She is...

As are you.

My life of trial and error. Your gain without the pain.

A beautiful summary from this share of how life as I know it could benefit you and yours, if you choose;

BSing ourselves only holds ourselves back - we could choose to be radically responsible and hold ourselves to a higher level of accountability.

What's really underneath our excuses and who do you have in your life to keep you accountable if you don't have the awareness to call yourself forward yet?

What hurts more; changing now or things getting so bad that you are forced to move? Because, trust me, they will get more painful and more uncomfortable if you continue to ignore the nudges, the whispers, the signs. Things come into our life to teach us. How hard do you want the lesson to be before you choose to move?

I no longer normalise and romantise suffering and pain in my life. I am DIVORCING the BS stories and choosing joy, peace and love!